Jack and Viv are 4 and 2, and for a while now, I’ve felt like I’ve come out of that tiny-baby-sleep-deprived-breastfeeding-exhaustion haze and returned to the real world.
Things just got … easier somehow. And it’s been really great. They play together — most of the time. They can feed themselves. Bedtime is only 90 percent hell instead of 100 percent hell every night.
So I felt kind of overconfident, especially after a great summer of running and training. Things were looking up.
Work. My god, work.
It can just totally get in the way. I’ve been slammed at work lately, working long hours, then more at home, then more on the weekend. Philip has been working more. Everyone is crabby and exhausted. My early morning runs have fallen apart as everyone’s schedule changes. And I don’t like running in the dark alone anymore.
That means I have to go at lunch many days. That’s fine — I’m lucky to have a boss who also runs, so he understands. And coworkers who are flexible and easygoing, and an office environment that doesn’t make me out of place with my hair in a ponytail and looking like a slob all afternoon if I run at lunch. (Newsrooms are gloriously, notoriously casual.)
But I haven’t been making myself run lately. I mean, I’m still getting in about 30 miles a week. But yesterday, I chose not to run. Monday, I chose not to run.
And it makes me crabby.
I don’t get any more work done. I just get more slumpy in my seat, my eyes hurt more from staring at a computer (and they hurt a lot lately — I seriously think I need bifocals. Somebody hold me.). I drink more coffee and Diet Coke and feel worse and worse about myself.
I remember when the kids were really little, forcing myself to go run even if I only had 3 hours of sleep the night before. And telling anyone who would listen that I had to go — that it made me feel like myself, and made me feel human, again.
I should remember that now.
And get out there today. While the sun is shining. While I have the chance.
So that’s the plan. 5-7 miles at lunch.
10-12 miles with the run club tomorrow morning.
And then maybe I’ll let myself sleep in on Sunday. Or I’ll get up, take advantage of the day, and go for a run.