Vivverisms

Howdy, friends.

I just made that word up. It’s lame,but I don’t care.

We just got back from our first family camping trip, which I’ll write more about tomorrow. For now, let’s just say it went great, better than expected, right up until we got home.

We walked in and Philip went to take a shower, turning the hot water back on. As I stood in the kitchen with the kids, the phone rang, and it was someone rescheduling Jack’s in-depth autism screening. Right after that, our daycare called about our new preschool program, which begins next week.

In the meantime, the kids were beasts, worse than they’ve been in days. And I hear a drip, drip, drip. We have a history of water issues in our house, and today they started again.

So with screaming kids, the phone ringing and water dripping, I ran to get Philip to help us. Of course, he did.

But as we laughed about the chaos of the last few minutes, I hear a weird whoooosh sound.

And then stumble upon this:

That box was almost full.

Viv, with all her naked babies, looks up and goes, “Hi Mommy! Pick it up, mommy!”

She is a turd. She was full of ridiculous comments this week.

***

On Monday, she chased me around with a Minnie Mouse, yelling, “Minnie bite you! Minnie bite you!” And then as she GROWLED, she made Minne fake-bite my leg, lunging the poor stuffed mouse’s face at my calf over and over. What the hell?

She is obsessed with biting. She doesn’t bite, but she has been bit several times at daycare. It happens. And she now says things like, “I’m gonna bite daddy’s head!” Or tonight at bedtime, she crumpled her blankie on me and goes, “I bite you in the blankie!”

She is a nut.

***

She is obsessed with taking her baby doll’s clothes off. And she wants your help.

Nonstop.

At one point driving, I couldn’t help her, and she yelled, “Mommy! Help your little baby!”

She has this wackadoo voice now without her front teeth, so she sounds and looks like this pipsqueak vampire talking. It’s absurd. And a little creepy.

***

Viv is really into all kinds of pretend right now. And REALLY into her baby dolls (and Jack’s trucks). She has turned our dog food container into the baby’s changing table, and lord help you if you put anything on top of it.

“Baby’s table! No! Baby’s table!”

So tonight, after she dumped all the Kix out and got put in time out, she picked up three babies, and put one on the potty and one on the floor and one in time out.

The one in time out got a very stern talking-to.

“Baby in time out! Why you do that, baby? Why? Baby, no! No dump it out, baby! Time out!”

Philip and I could hear her from the other room and were DYING. It was so funny. She is a nut.

***

At our campground, the mayflies were out. It was gross, and Viv was running around yelling, “Too many bugs!” But it sounded like, “Too MENee BUgs.” I can’t even try to type it out to make sense. It was just funny. Then she would yell, “Go home, bugs!”

***

Happy running.

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