I just finally finished “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” and good grief, what took me so long? I loved it. I have the second one already, but first I have to get through “Cleopatra,” by Stacy Schiff, for my next book club meeting.
Book review here. I just started it tonight, and already I’m like, wait, who? What? I need a cast of characters page. Or to have paid more attention in history class. Or to have just a better memory in general. (I am the kind of person who searches all over for my glasses, only to realize I am wearing them.)
Maybe I’m just tired tonight, but already I am like, ugh, this is going to be the death of me. I made Philip tell me how many pages a night I had to read to make sure I had it finished by book club (about 20). Maybe I should include “read confusing biography” to my running log, since it’s a mental workout and all. Or maybe it will pick up. I’m sure it didn’t win the Pulitzer for sucking ass.
In other news, I did my first post-Phoenix run this weekend — just 30 minutes on the treadmill at the gym. I have now run on a treadmill about 8-10 times the past like four months — probably more than the past four years combined. I still despise it, but some days I find I just have to — work schedules, nap schedules, whatever. At least I am getting it done, right? The run was fine. I could have run more, but I just want to go easy and be careful. I still remember going crazy after Fargo in 2009, and ending up injured before Twin Cities that year. I would like to not repeat that.
But I have to admit … I am haunted by my 1:49 … the amount of time over BQing I ran in Phoenix. I was in shape to do it. To run sub-3:40 without a problem. On a course built for it. On a partly cloudy, 55 degree day. With no injuries, enough fuel, and the right attitude. Right up until 21.5 miles. When I just mentally crumbled.
I’m angry about it. Earlier in the race, I talked to myself about some changes that have happened at work, about the shape I was in, and told myself, I’m ready. I’m standing here, at the beginning of 2012, full of opportunity, and I don’t want to blow it. Not this time. I want to do my new job right, well, wonderfully. I wanted running Phoenix to be me showing myself that I can not only put in the hard work, but see it through. So, if I’m honest, I feel sort of crushed, for reasons that go beyond running. (And if I’m honest, I decided that, technically I DID re-qualify — for Boston 2012, when the standards were still 3:45 for my age group. It’s just, you know, the race sold out. Last year sometime. But you know, technically … .)
And yes, I know this is all boring and I’m not giving out a lot of detail about work. The main thing to know is this: I want to do a good job. A great job. And I’m going to try my damndest to do it.