You know, you just kind of forget how breastfeeding trashes your body. I nursed Jack for 14 months. Then a few months after I stopped, I got pregnant with Genevieve. Which meant, yay, I had boobs (tiny ones) again. And I am talking, like 32A size boobs. Nothing crazy. But better than my normal 30AAA. And that is no joke.
So when I stopped nursing Genevieve, I was just not prepared for what my body would look like. I sort of remembered from Jack, but not really.
And what it looks like is this:
Slap a nipple on that bad boy, and that’s what I look like. It’s bad enough that a coworker commented on it. It’s bad enough that I have on a size 32AA bra (yes, they make those — usually for 11-year-olds) and it is big on me. It’s sort of horrifying. You kind of get used to preggo boobs, then nursing boobs. It’s a rude awakening to go back to my pre-pubescent normal shape.
Yes, I look like a 14-year-old boy. With a “National Geographic” nipple stuck to me. I will never be able to wear a nonpadded bra again. Not because I want the extra padding, but because otherwise my headlights will frighten passers-by.
And it definitely makes choosing my running clothes a challenge. You know what looks bad? A baggy sports bra. Yet that is the look I will be sporting. Bye-bye self-confidence. Hello hunched shoulders.
All that said, I am still SO glad to be done breastfeeding. SO, so, so very glad. I’m sort of horrified by how happy I am about it. I don’t miss it. At all. I’m also not starving all the time anymore. It’s amazing how much energy you need to do it. You just don’t realize it while it’s happening. I even threw away all my pump extra parts, etc. And my ratty old nursing bras. If we have a third baby, I’ll just buy new ones. I used the same ones for Jack and Genevieve, and they were so trashed from being worn 24 hours a day for two solid years. I’m pretty sure I got my money’s worth from those cheap Target nursing bras.
I don’t have stretch marks or too many other post-partum body issues. So I guess the boob thing is as bad as it gets for me. Maybe a boob job is in my future. I’m pretty sure Philip would be all for it. After all, when I said I was stopping nursing, he said, “Bye-bye, boobies.”
In other random news: ALL my pubic ramus pain disappeared about a week after I stopped breastfeeding. What the hell? Maybe those hormones play a bigger part than I realized. I can’t lie — I am totally annoyed that I will be heading into this marathon in such shitty shape, thanks to breastfeeding. I know that is shallow, selfish and ridiculous, but it’s the truth.