Kid conversations

Howdy, friends.

I’ve been saving these conversations up and need to write them down before I forget.

We are in two stages with the kiddos. Jack is starting to ask a lot of tough questions I don’t really want to answer. And Viv is starting to just say random things, but with such intensity it cracks me up.

On anatomy:

Jack: Where does Harley pee from?

Me: His penis. He’s a boy dog.

Jack: Where do girls pee from?

Me: Um, they just pee.

Jack: Girls don’t have penises.

Me: Nope, they don’t.

Jack: So, do they only poop?

Me: Um, no, they pee.

Jack: But from WHERE?

Me: (whispering) Philip! Is it the urethra?

Jack: The WHAT??

Me: Lord.

On what she isn’t going to do:

Viv: I was calling for you!

Me: I know, that’s why I came in here.

Viv: Hold me. I need to cuddle.

Me: OK, for a minute. Then it’s night-night.

Viv: OK. I’m not going to yell for you anymore.

Me: OK.

Viv: And I won’t cry.

Me: OK.

Viv: And I’m not going to stick my finger in my nose.

Me: Good plan.

On pirates:

Jack: Mom, I need you to help me with this pirate costume.

Me: OK, but I’m getting Viv to bed. Wait a minute.

Jack: Mom, I’m going to wear this for a while.

Me: OK, but you have to put your pajamas on soon.

Jack: But mom, I’m going to be a pirate who is sleeping!

On not knowing:

Me: What do you need Viv?

Viv: I have to tell you something!

Me: OK.

Viv: It’s a secret!

Me: OK. What is your secret?

Viv: I don’t know!

Me: Well, that’s a good secret then!

Happy running.

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